The Joy of Cosmetics

I was going to write a blog on Cooking with Beer and then my Baptist sensibility took hold of me and restrained that inclination.

Last night I bought some facial soap and stuff from Clinique and got a free bag to go with it - a snappy lime green bag, mind you. As I left the cosmetic counter with my new purchases and my freebie, I turned to Kevin and victoriously declared, "Just what I wanted. A LIME GREEN BAG." The lady from Lancome heard me and snickered.

Today I went back to Clinique for a supposedly "free" facial. Why not? I could always use some tips on the art of makeup application. The white-robed lady sat me down and asked me why I was there. That’s when I got suspicious about the whole thing. Shouldn’t she already know why I was there? Everything went downhill after that. I felt like an idiot because I couldn’t answer any of her questions. And, of course, I had to endure a sales pitch! She began fluffing my face and painting it all up. I told her not to go loud but she must have been hard-of-hearing because she brought out all the loud colors. "I'm going to be a clown for a day," I thought. The worst part came after she applied this "new" line of "long-lasting" 24-hour lipstick (the "won’t wipe off" kind of stuff). I looked in the mirror and, to my horror, it was very obviously crooked! Heaven forbid. I waited until she turned her back and then tried to unsuccessfully wipe it straight. When she turned back around, I asked, "What happens if the long-lasting lipstick is outside the boundaries of my lips?" "What do you mean?" she was quick to retort. I think I offended her by implying that she, the expert, didn’t apply the lipstick right. She offered no solution to my problem and I just decided to resign myself to my crooked-lipped fate for the next 24-hours.

The very worst part of it came when I got lost in the parking lot for ten minutes. I wandered from row to row looking for my car. I envisioned the millions of toddlers riding in the cars in the parking lot exclaiming, "Mommy!! Look at that crooked-lipped clown!"