I Kill Plants

All of us have dreams. We all have little secret desires tucked away in the back of our minds. Things we sometimes reveal to others. And things we never reveal.

One little bitty dream I’ve had is to someday have a house plant that lasts for more than two hours in my house without dying. Well, okay, I’ll be really honest with you. Actually, what I really want is to have a full-blown flower garden in my backyard. Here is my vision: A quiet, serene, shady getaway place with lots of green plants and colorful flowers all around. Maybe a little fountain to provide the soothing and consoling sounds of rushing water in the backdrop. Maybe a hammock to rest my weary body in the cool of the shade. It would be my own little spot o’ heaven. Paradise.

But here is the minor problem: I kill plants.

And it’s not a new phenomenon. I have a very long history of killing plants. My first plant was an engagement gift from a friend. I guess people assume that, if you’re engaged, you will make a home, and all homes need houseplants. It was a very logical sort of gift. When my friend gave it to me, I was apprehensive about providing it the attention and care necessary. She told me not to worry. She said it was a "hardy" sort of plant and it would be impossible for me to kill it. It died two weeks later.

The next plant I owned had great sentimental value to me. You see, a co-worker, who attended our wedding, picked up some ivy sitting at our wedding table and planted it. He stuck a heart shaped wire in the center of the pot and the ivy began crawling up the wire to make a heart shape. Is that cool or what? To my horror, I soon noticed that it was dying!! (Hey, at least I recognize what a dying plant looks like!) I gave it to grandma Cazzell to see if she could do anything to resuscitate it. (She’s really good with plants.) Even SHE couldn’t work her magical powers to save its life. Bummer.

And then I got a hydrangea bush as a housewarming gift when we moved to Sac. Hydrangeas are my favorite flowers. And it was even a BLUE hydrangea bush - the most beautiful of them all. It was special to me and I even gave it a name. (Suddenly I can’t remember what I named it - but it was special. I promise.) Soon, my beloved hydrangea bush passed on to Plant Heaven. I actually cried when I killed that one.

That’s why, when for a birthday gift someone gave me a bucket of azaleas, I was very critical and apprehensive about it all. I turned over the tag on the azalea plant to see how to give it proper care. Why even try? Why not just throw it in the trash right now? The tag said to "keep moist." Yeah, I thought, skeptically, that means I’ll probably flood it.

Well, it’s now been almost three weeks since my birthday. And I’m most happy to report that my azaleas are still alive. I’m still not holding my breath. But, I think there’s hope for my azaleas. You know why? I FINALLY figured this much out. (Don’t ask me why no one ever told me this before. Or why I didn’t personally figure it out until now?) If the plant is turning brown, that means you probably should water it. If the plant is starting to wilt, that means it probably needs more sunshine. Duh!

So there it is, my beloved blog readers . . . the only two things that I know about plant care. It’s been a long and difficult process for me to learn even this much. Just thought I’d share this so I can, hopefully, spare someone out there the same pain, remorse and agony that I have felt.

But my azalea experience has instilled within me a renewed hope. Maybe . . . just maybe . . . someday I can have that garden of my dreams.

I think I’ll take it one step at a time.