Nine Years … Soon to be a Memory

Today is my last official day working in an office building. From here on out, into the unforeseeable future, I’ll be working from home. And I must confess that I have mixed feelings about it all. I got my first office job nine years ago at the tender age of seventeen. If you count my legal internships and some temp jobs, I’ve worked in quite a lot of office environments. And, for the most part, I’ve always enjoyed it. Working in the professional world is something that’s familiar and comfortable to me. Working from home is not. It’s mysterious. It’s the “unknown.”

It seems like it was just yesterday that I had an episode where I had to run over the capitol building to testify on a bill. I was feeling really tired, overheated, awkward, and swollen – especially in my feet. In fact, I remember standing in a hallway outside the committee room looking down at my swollen feet and wanting to die. The floor session was running late and the sergeant of arms hadn’t opened the committee room yet. There was absolutely no place to sit but the hallway floor. And, fortunately, I still had enough dignity intact to refuse that option. Finally I leaned against a wall, took off one of my shoes and tucked my bare foot behind my leg to hide it. At least it helped to ease the pain from one of my feet.

Of course, at that precise time, two skinny professional women (I don’t know if they were lobbyists or aides) walked by looking very suave, cool, comfortable in their heels, and sexy in their fitted business suits. That certainly didn’t help matters … at all.

As of today, I’m not going to be running to committee hearings any more. Even though, when I stood miserably in the hallway several weeks ago, I thought the day would never come!

Although I’ve loved the fast-paced action involved with my job, I know it’s time for me to move on to a different pasture. I’m glad, however, that I’ll still be able to use my writing skills in the public policy field. The fact that I won’t be leaving “everything” behind, all at once, is assuring to me during this transition phase.

Probably the biggest thing I dread is losing the social aspect of the office environment. During my office tenure, I’ve experienced the full gamut of workplace relationships – everything from water-cooler intimacies to developing deep and lasting friendships. (Hey, I used to work in an office with Kevin … and look where that got me!). Yes, I realize that I’ll have more opportunities to attend mommy-groups, daytime bible studies, etc., but it won’t be the same. There won’t be the constancy of knowing there are other adults working productively around me. I’ll miss that. I’ll miss having coworkers stop randomly by my door to chat. I’ll miss hearing my boss scream from her office that something exciting was just announced on the news.

Also, this may sound absolutely crazy considering the times I’ve complained about having to get up and rush out of the door in the mornings, but I’ll miss having the daily purpose that comes from knowing there’s a set time when I have to be decently dressed, at least half-awake and sitting at my desk. Even though it’s a pain to be a slave to the alarm clock, I realize that there’s also fulfillment in having that daily purpose. Does that make sense?

Lastly, and this is something that will expose my complete selfishness, I will miss all the compliments that you typically get when working in an office. Like, “Oh Amy, you look so nice today.” And, “Amy, great job working on that project.” These compliments, whether they’re true or not, totally feed the ego.

I’m not naïve to the fact that motherhood is a completely thankless job. I don’t expect my children to tell me every day how smart I am and how good I look. But I also know that being a mom and investing in my kids’ lives will, ultimately, be the most rewarding thing I could ever know.

So, yes, it’s a weird day for me. Sometimes we can anticipate the turning of new chapters in our lives and other times we’re thrust into a new chapter unsuspectingly. Today I’m fully cognizant of the fact that I’m standing on the cusp of a new segment in my life. And I’m still not quite sure what to think of it all.