You know how new parents often can’t talk about anything else other than the fact that “baby slept [insert number] hours last night”? I remember as a teenager being bored out of my mind while a new parent droned on and on about their baby’s sleep habits. Anyway … I think I’ve been pretty good at refraining from blogging on (or talking about) this subject. But today I will blog on it. For two reasons. First, I’m very happy to report that Meredith has slept through the night three nights in a row now. Last night she slept 7 ½ hours. When she woke me up this morning, I couldn’t believe my eyes – the clock read 6:03 a.m. That’s actually a decent time to get up. I feel human again!
Secondly, I bring this up because it segues nicely into the topic of BabyWise. It’s not that I want to drag this out, however. (This will most likely be my last post on this topic.) I know Meredith would not be sleeping through the night (something good for her and for our family) if I had not been using BW principles.
Tulip Girl commented on the post below that she feels women can have milk supply issues because of using BabyWise. I don’t claim to be an expert on why women have milk supply issues but I’m not sure I buy the theory that there’s a proven link. I’m sure there are a range of reasons why you can have milk supply issues. In fact, there was an anonymous commenter (on my post below) who said she used BW for all six of her children and only had milk supply issues with the second. Curious, isn’t it?
And then there are my numerous friends, and acquaintances, who have successfully used BW, nursed their children until they were at least a year old, and haven’t had any milk supply issues. Those success stories are compelling, to me.
I realize many women hate BW and blame it for all their problems. I can only wonder if a) they would have had the same problems with that particular baby regardless of whether they demand fed or used BW or b) it’s possible that they didn’t use enough commonsense to deviate from BW when necessary and that’s why they had problems (in other words, it was the fact that they didn’t realize when they should have made an “exception” in baby’s routine). Speaking of exceptions, I’ve made plenty. In fact, yesterday, I fed Meredith slightly less than three hours all day long because I could tell she was hungry. It’s not like I say, “Oh, it’s 2:47 and you’re not supposed to eat for 13 minutes … too bad, you’ll have to wait.” That’s ridiculous. :-)
Lastly, I would like to share with you a little story that I found online yesterday. Honest, cross my heart, I did not go digging for it. I just happened to see it on a website about child development. It’s a journal of a woman who, apparently, is demand feeding her baby. After reading this account, I feel sorry for this very well-meaning woman. I also feel reassured that I’m doing the right thing for both my child and my family. This is not how I want to live my life … I’d rather spend time cuddling with my baby than having to nurse her to sleep constantly, all day and all night long.
Mommy Meltdown (note: please excuse the language, I wish to keep this a G-rated blog, or at least PG). ;-)
“I think Violet must be going through some kind of growth spurt. Either that or she's trying to kill me, because she's been super-duper grumpy and whiny the past few days. I had a method of putting her to sleep that was failsafe just days ago, but now she's not having it. I lay her down on the bed, lie down beside her, and stick my nipple in her mouth. She sucks until her eyes roll back in her head and she drifts off. Then I swing into action, withdrawing with exquisite slowness, sliding my nipple from her tiny lips, easing her head off my breast, and rolling off the bed with the silent precision of a ninja.
“‘It's like baby Jenga!’ Phil marveled yesterday.
“‘I prefer to think of it as playing Operation,’ I told him.
“I was never any good at that game, and I'm no good at getting away silently, either. The second I sit up and head off to the kitchen to make myself lunch, or attempt to turn on the computer, Secret Agent Violet senses my moves with her super-charged baby Spidey sense and turns on the wails. Dammit. And I know it's going to be at least 15 more minutes of dedicated sucking, with my body curled awkwardly around her on the pillows and my back screaming for relief. Her little face is so tender. My back is so gnarled.
“After a few days of this, I was understandably a little on edge today — which is why I had the meltdown. Violet had been keening for a half-hour for no good reason I could figure out, I was trying awkwardly to unfold the new stroller and lock it so we could leave the damned house, the phone was ringing, and I was operating on about four hours of sleep (we'd had a big night of nursing). …”
All I’m saying is … there must be a better way. I’m very thankful that, as a new parent, I’ve discovered the secrets of BW. It’s brought peace to our home.
And (did I mention this earlier?) ... rest.
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Some women can have milk-supply issues when they feed on a rigid schedule before their body is ready for one... or when they have the baby sleeping through the night early enough that their body hasn't gotten used the hang of proper milk-production. It depends on each woman, some women have excess while others have major drop-off of milk-supply.
I'm so glad BW works for you! I'm still reading up on different things... both of my sisters had babies who slept through the night (8+ hours) by the time they were six weeks old, and had put mom on a very easy schedule, no BW at all... so we'll see if Benjamin follows his older four cousins' examples. (HA! As if my child would ever follow any "normal" example. {sigh})
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that commonsense is required in knowing when to deviate from a schedule. Not all children are created alike, each has their own needs, and the schedule we as mothers put them, and ourselves, on should reflect each child's needs.
I find it interesting that there seems to be constant defending of BW and bragging about it on one side, and picking and fighting about it on the other.
Why not just be happy that you have found something that works for you and your child without looking down your nose at those who choose a different way to do it? My goodness.
I agree.
While there are many different options available for how to raise and tend your children, it is the husband and wife's responsibility, in each individual family, to determine what works best for THEIR family.
Forgive me for finding this whole discussion humorous, but I can't believe this is Amy Koons. If someone had told me when I met you that one day you'd do a blog post about milk supply issues I would have laughed out loud! My, how the times change. I guess the pregnant home-school mom in the denim jumper wasn't so far fetched after all, eh? Except maybe for the denim jumper part. :)
Jeanette - Yes, times have changed. Never thought I'd be posting on this subject either. :-P But, alas, what's a girl to do?
I think my next post shall be on something like marshmallows. Are marshmallows a controversial subject? I hope not 'cuz I'm getting sick of controversy - which is also VERY unlike the Amy of past times.
-AK
Hello Amy-
I linked onto your blog site sometime ago from my sister's (Megan Dunham)site. Yours is always an interesting read. :)
Just thought I'd throw my .02 in here and say that I've used the BW principles over the past 14 years with all 5 of my children and my babies have thrived beautifully. I never knew there was even a controversy about the subject until this past year! My children all slept through the night by 6-8 weeks and I've always had enough milk to feed an entire nursery. :)
After reading the bitterness that many seem to have toward the Ezzos and their material, it makes me want to see how in the world these women implemented the material??!?
Your baby is gorgeous and I'm happy that you are getting on so wonderfully.
Blessings-
Michelle Ray
Amy, from all I’ve read and witnessed first-hand regarding BW, I think you are on the right track. A good example is a young couple in our church, who have modified BW for their family’s needs. Their lives are organized, joyful and sane. Their children are secure, calm, mannerly, and very happy.
You and Kevin are intelligent and wise people, who are filled with God’s Spirit. You both have wise and loving parents, who are available to give advice. Little Meredith is blessed to be in such good hands. May the Lord continue to guide your steps and bless the Koons family.
...Just sending encouragement to dear friends. ~SIW
P.S. Loved Jeanette's comment! A great deal of things have changed for many of you dear kids from the "Virginia Bubble." ~SIW
Just a quick comment... Baby Wise isn't the only book to advocate scheduled feeding. It was an accepted practice that as advocated 26 years ago by the guy my mother went to when I was born. My parents swear by it, it makes life so much easier.
I agree with everyone here that you should definitely do what you feel most comfortable with AND modify it using common sense. At our church there is a strong schedule/bw vibe which is just not me. However, I'm also not that harried out of control sleep-deprived woman that you quoted either.
We have our up and our down days, but overall I'm happy with the way that I've chosen to parent. And, my baby is happy with it. I think that it has more to do with your temperament and your baby's than anything else.
Regarding the milk supply issues, I will only say (with my unbelieveably limited experience) that the one woman that I know does BW had a baby about 4 weeks before me who absolutely stopped gaining weight for 3 months or so when he was 9 months old. This was her 6th and she said she must have 1% milk. I wondered at the time, and still do (since he has fattened up since he started eating solid foods in abundance and she stopped nursing) if it was the schedule that lowered her supply or if it was just her. I wouldn't blame BW, but it wasn't a ringing endorsment either.
I wish you the best with your baby. I know that using commonsense you will be able to figure out what she needs and adjust accordingly. So many women must be too overwhelmed by doing everything "right" that they are scared to deviate from the program. Use your brain and you should be ok :)
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