Today I went to a friend’s house for a play date. As the kids happily scattered toys around her living room, I mentioned to her that last night Kevin and I had our yearly discussion about Halloween, because I needed to be reminded again why we don’t celebrate it. This is something we disagree about. Kevin doesn’t believe we should participate as a matter of conscience.Well, how did God know I needed to go to this particular play date today with this particular friend on November 1st?
My friend, in relating her own experiences, graciously told me exactly what I needed to hear: “Oneness in marriage means taking the other person’s side.” She said that, rather than saying “my husband/wife thinks this,” she and her husband try to say, “our family does this.”
Really, the distinction is important because it shows your heart. It shows whether it’s “me vs. him” or whether we’re a team, committed to ultimately being on the same page despite personal differences.
It’s really not hard to forgo Halloween when your friends are skipping it too. It’s a lot harder when, as is my case right now, most of my friends do celebrate it.
So, what am I going to say next time someone looks at me and asks, “What? You don’t celebrate Halloween? Why is that?”
Well, I’m not exactly sure yet. I have nearly a year to think about it. But I am definitely going to change my response from a “him vs. me” tone. I need to look for ways to better advocate the position of the person I love. That would be the respectful and loving thing.
That would be the thing that promotes oneness.
5 comments:
It's a submission issue. Clearly!
That decision to be "one" makes you a "good mommy" too :). It will be so much easier for M & C to obey if they see that you stand together. And you know, if it's against K's conscience, it would be wrong for him to participate no matter what!
yizwnwVery wise reply from your friend! Now that I think about it, there have been several occasions in our marriage where one of us just "goes along" with the other one, out of love if not understanding.
Now that I also think of it, I've been maintaining a "me and him" distinction about one issue because it's his idea, not mine. In fact, the thought of dropping that distinction and saying "ours" irritates me! But the fact is, I've chosen to join his side of the issue, so why should I keep up my difference? Hm, thanks for this post. Guess I have something to think about now.
-- SJ
What's wrong with Halloween exactly? It's not devil worship, it's a cultural celebration. Isn't it?
Thanks for sharing that, Amy. I'm going to try to remember that and apply it to my own marriage. I've enjoyed reading your blog. Your stories about sweet little Meredith are so cute and remind of when mine were little. They grow so fast!!
Jennifer
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