Food for Thought--Relationships

The talk at MOPS yesterday, given by the pastor of Zionsville Presbyterian, Ronn McDonald, made me feel like I was in a marriage counseling session. Here is some food for thought, from my notes. I’m not a very organized note-taker, as you will see, and tend to just write down random insightful things vs. structured things.

Searching for Significance

People who associate with other people in relationships (any group) are less likely to experience serious illness or die prematurely. People with close family/friend relationships recover from illness better and more quickly, according to the AMA.

Studies have shown that relationships and associating with other people are the best determiner of future health, even more so than diet. So, in other words, it’s better to eat ding-dongs with friends than asparagus alone.

If we try to find our identity in another person without first finding it on our own, we will never find it. Another person will never complete us. Only God will. Don’t put that kind of pressure on your spouse or children.

The beginnings of relationships are emotionally charged. Relationships can be compared with space shuttles. 96% of a space shuttle’s fuel is used in launching it, while only 4% of the fuel is used in orbit. People go through life looking for blast-offs. They think if they are not constantly on the launching pad something is wrong. But that is not what true love is. More people need to be told to “wait, stay, persevere—you are moving to something far better and wonderful, the beauty and satisfaction of a healthy and mature relationship.”

When you marry, you marry a set of problems. (And you, yourself, are a set of problems.). If you marry someone else, you’re only exchanging one set of problems for another one.

When people fall in love, they are often willing to go to extremes. For instance, Ronn said he would have gladly given any of his organs to his wife if she needed it, fought any bully in any ally, or swam through shark infested waters for her. Strangely, he was never called upon to do any of this. Instead he was required to deal with the little annoying things that seemed to turn into big issues. Like the fact that his wife never liked to sort the mail and would just pile it up.

Here are some (oftentimes) tough questions for couples to agree on. What is a clean house? What is a romantic evening? What is a great vacation? What is a great retirement? What should be done with any extra money at the end of the month?

You are not likely to marry someone with all of the same ideas. You can overcome disagreements by “positive sentiment override” where you agree that your love is secure and you will work to overcome difficulties. This is a choice.

Marriage is a daily choice. You must commit every day: “I choose you again.” It’s not about “What are you going to do to make me feel alive today?” which is self-centered and the world’s definition of love. It’s about “How are the little deaths I must die each day going to bring us closer to Christ?”

Anything worth anything takes hard work and commitment.

Lastly …

Don’t ever rob your present and future by waiting for someone [a person vs. God] to step forward and be your happiness.