Andree Seu had a thought-provoking article in World recently, Keeping it Real: Want to achieve humility? Acknowledge reality.
“Shoot for that low opinion of your talents that you’re sure is the essence of humility. You may not get there, but the devil will be pleased enough by all the time you’ve spent thinking of yourself. Or you may indeed arrive at humility, and notice it—which saddles you with another problem: pride in your humility.”
“Would you be free of the roller-coaster ride of a life of serial humiliations? Then assess yourself accurately. Humility is acknowledging reality, nothing more or less. And here are some realities: Everyone is smart at some things and stupid at some things.”
The entire article is excellent, you can read it here.
After reading Seu’s article, I thought of the Gothard teachings about “deflecting praise” and a conversation I had several years ago with a young woman who is still seeped in that way of thinking.
The young woman, an acquaintance of mine from childhood, had played a violin solo at my parents’ church during the service. I felt that the music was God-glorifying and beautiful and I paid her a genuine compliment after the service.
Her reply? “Well, my parents should really get all the credit for encouraging me to practice my music lessons. Everything I am today is because of them.”
First, this isn’t true. This young lady had worked very hard herself and she was very gifted musically. Secondly, because I was aware of the seminars she had attended, I knew that this was a canned answer. It was a line that had come straight from the textbook, or something she had copied in her own notebook. So it seemed entirely disingenuous to me.
It was everything I could do to not burst out laughing. Or worse, say what I was really thinking.
If this young woman had simply said, “Thank you, I was so happy to be able to play today,” I would have been blessed by that and we could have continued our conversation. Instead, I was struck by her canned answer—even though I know it was well-intentioned—and I quickly realized that I couldn’t have an honest conversation with her. So why bother?
Deflecting praise is meant to be a gesture of humility. But I think what Seu is saying about assessing ourselves accurately is so true. When we don’t, we are either truly prideful or, arguably even worse, we are proud of our humility.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Excellent post. This is something that has bugged me for many years, and I've long since abandoned the Deflecting Praise method for Miss Manners' recommendation of a quiet and gracious, 'Thank you.' It seems obvious that the more you protest your unworthiness, the more it looks like you are just fishing for compliments.
Great post and so true!
I think it was my own sister-in-law who said that sometimes you should bless others by letting them bless you. Since then, I've realized the value it is to others to accept a compliment.
Also, that way of thinking also doesn't allow you to take credit for anything good that you've accomplished, but you're certainly free to take blame for anything that goes wrong! It leads to self-disgust, not humility.
Thanks for posting this. It's something that's irritated me for years but never come to the surface for me to articulate it.
-- SJ
You're right. Sometimes it takes more humility and smile and "thank you" than to "deny" it and bring more compliments and focus on oneself.
Excellent thoughts.
I always felt "deflecting" was a way to try to get others to throw MORE compliments out there, as if they have to force you to accept them.
I had a pastor who used to constantly refer to his humility. The gist was usually: "I'm just a poor not-to-smart homely guy but look what God has done with my life." I loved the man but I used to squirm in discomfort at what completely smacked of pride to me.
Gothard does the same thing; his way of doing it makes me nauseous.
Graciousness is an important attribute to.-rlr
Post a Comment