I love people. And I love meeting new people. So maybe that’s why I was excited to begin child birth preparation classes last night.
On the way there, Kevin said, “I hope this isn’t going to be one touchy-feely support group session after another. If that’s what it’s all about, I’m not going to like it.” Apparently he had been talking to his buddy Matt earlier in the day and had been told that, when Matt and his wife went through this type of class, the guys and gals were divided into groups and the guys were asked to write on a chalk board all the things they were excited and nervous about. Apparently, Kevin isn’t into that sort of thing …
In the end, it was better than he expected. Although … they did ask all of the nine couples present to go around the room and share information. One of the things they asked for is if any of us were concerned about anything in particular. Kevin (I was proud of him) volunteered that he’s concerned about me being in pain (what a great guy … so empathetic!) and he’s also concerned about the “grossness factor.” As soon as he said this, the rest of the guys burst out with laughter as if they were relieved some other guy was courageous enough to say what they all were thinking.
So, yes, it was a good time.
Oh, and I’d be remiss if I failed to mention Rob. It always seems like there’s someone in the group who’s the class clown. In this particular group, it’s Rob. Most of the women in the room were concerned about the “unknown” and the “pain.” When his wife also stated she was concerned about the pain, Rob blurted: “I don’t see what the big deal is. You know, like … Sacagawea.” He then went on to talk about all the women throughout history who have squatted in the fields, popped their babies out, and then kept on working. (Like my dad says, they must not make women like they used to!)
When it came time for Rob to share what he was most concerned about, this is what he had to say: “All the pillows on my side of the bed are … GONE. When will I get my pillows back?”
[Note: If I were to ask this question, it wouldn’t be funny. But Rob has this certain demeanor that makes everything he says funny. Know what I mean?]
Even though Rob is a little edgy, we still like him. And it’s nice to have someone in class who is so honest and down-to-earth.
Concerning the whole pain thing … I’m still not sure what I’m going to do. I was opting for a natural birth experience but now I’m second guessing that decision. I mean, what’s the point as long as it doesn’t harm the baby or substantially pose serious threats of harm to myself? At first I was thinking that so many women throughout history have done it naturally (i.e., no pain meds), so why shouldn’t I? But then I realized how flawed that reasoning is. It’s like saying that “so many women throughout history have gone without microwaves, so why should I use one”? If technology has made food preparation more careless … and I avail myself of this blessed technology on a daily basis … why shouldn’t I permit technology to make my labor and delivery less painful?
Anyway … it’s something I’ll still need to mull over a bit.
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17 comments:
Amy, I'll take this post as a response to my e-mail. Thank you. Hey, I even made it in your post (I'm not Rob for those of you watching from home).
Laurie took a similar position as you regarding epidurals. She wanted to go natural but then after consulting with many ladies, doctors, and a friend who is in medical school and was doing rotations at a birthing ward, she decided that if it can be done more easily than why not.
Of course the rest is history as her labor lasted less than 2 hours and she pushed twice...all without the benefit of drugs. She did want them though. Ty just didn't cooperate in his haste to enter the world.
Two thoughts: 1) Not being a woman, I can’t sympathize with the pain factor (though I imagine it must suck big time); and 2) There’s more to the “natural” childbirth angle than just the historical perspective.
Having recently been in your same position (vacillating between natural vs. meds for the birth for our first child), my wife also spoke to numerous (perhaps even a plethora?) women on the subject.
Without exception, those who had gone through a natural childbirth (including some women who had on multiple occasions, both given birth with and without an epidural) experienced what they described as a sort of “euphoria” or “empowerment” immediately after the birth. What this means I don’t know, and can probably never know, because I cannot (thankfully I think) go through the birthing process. I guess my only point is that there are reasons to go one way or the other independent of the “Luddite vs. modern” debate.
Amy,
I went through the exact same thought process, and I think you’re very wise to keep an open mind. Granted that ‘natural’ is the best, what’s so bad about some small degree of interference, as long as it doesn’t harm Baby or you? The microwave argument is an excellent one; just because it CAN be done doesn’t mean it HAS to be that way. I think the pivotal issue is how harmless any interference really is going to end up being. Certainly one can see how far medical technology has come in recent years, to the extent that epidurals now carry far less risk than they did even a decade ago. If there’s truly no risk and very little chance of bad side effects, then why not? No sense being a martyr if you don’t have to.
All that being said, there is actually a lot more to the medical risk issue than meets the eye. I would encourage you to ask your OB a lot of questions and do your own research on the topic as well. Some studies do show that overall, epidurals do tend to slow labour, meaning that ultimately there will be more complications and possibly more risk of an eventual C-section. Generally speaking they’ve gotten safer, but you should make sure you do your homework before accepting at face value anything your OB tells you. I went from the unthinking ‘Of course I’ll do it natural!’ to ‘Wait a minute, let me investigate the options first.’ Here is where I ended up: because of the possibilities of unwanted side effects, since I’m already in such prime condition to give birth naturally – low-risk patient and all that – I’m planning to deliver naturally, keeping in mind the thought that for future reference, relief is always there if I need it. Thank God that we live in a modern and civilized society where doctors can step in if needed. But at least I will know my own limits, and my standard of comparison will be based on a realistic reference point. If I decided to rely on medicine to see me through this one from the start, anything thereafter would only seem unreasonable by comparison, and I think I’d have a warped expectation of what birth really is. So I don’t have any blind prejudice against availing myself of the wonders of medical technology, but I’ve decided to opt out this time so I can make a rational decision once I have all the facts. That's the plan, anyway. I’ll let you know how it goes!
~Rose
Your doctor should have told you this already, but don't go exploring the internet looking for stories about epidurals.
In the mean time, at UCSF medical center 90% of child births that are delivered through the birth canal are done after mom's been given an epidural. And this is in San Francisco of all places.
I would do it for Kevin's sake. The poor guy will have a hard time watching you go through it naturally. And trust me, it's worse than watching Rocky IV!
***But then I realized how flawed that reasoning is. It’s like saying that “so many women throughout history have gone without microwaves, so why should I use one”?***
Just throwing in my two cents (which is probably actually worth less than that, as I have never been pregnant). . . Your analogy falls slightly short in that the female body was supernaturally created by God, as was the process of childbirth. While the microwave is a wonderful invention, it doesn't quite attain the level of a miracle (though I know some bachelors who'd disagree). ;)
Obviously, God created our bodies with the function of childbearing in mind. It was the curse which ended up causing the pain aspect, and that's kind of our own fault. *grin* I'm not saying it's wrong to choose an epidural rather than go all natural, but I wouldn't quite liken it to deciding to microwave your meal versus cook it in a kettle over an open fire. ;) It's an important decision which I think goes beyond questions of convenience or pain tolerance.
I have no idea what I'll do when I get to that stage in life; I'm sure Daniel and I will give it some serious thought, just as you are. I think the most important thing to remember is to make an informed decision and do what's best for you/your baby. :)
Well, ladies and gents, I have been there! Three times to be exact and 2 of those were among the worst of experiences you can have, but one was like "falling off a log". I went natural with all 3...and really due to various circumstances would have had to do so anyway. Best to prepare to do so. I do not agree that there is no risk or side effects to going with meds. My dil just had her 3rd natural, after having a coddle with the first 2...this one came quicker so she had to tough it out. But she now thinks it was right...because afterwards she was better sooner and the baby was a much better nurser. I think meds should ONLY be used if there is no other choice. If you have a good teacher in childbirth class (we had a wonderful 8 week course and learned Lamaze method which I HIGHLY recommend)...you will make it ok. It does really work to block the pain. And when childbirth goes as it should, the pains are not constant...they come and go...and that helps you make it through. I had much more pain in general (from my body...not what doctors did to me which is another story!) with the monthlys. Walk all you can and stay fit...that will help..and eat well..be sure to get in lots of veggies and fruit, etc! I had to have pitocin to make my uterus work (that ADDS to the natural pains) with the first and third of mine...in fact, the third was born in convulsions from that...they gave me too much too quick I think is what caused it. But it was either the pitocin or a c-section. Not sure to this day which would have been better. I hope you will have one like my 2nd...I was laughing and joking with the nurses up till about 1/2 hour before her birth and the doc barely made it in time. A piece of cake!!
Elizabeth
"Your analogy falls slightly short ... While the microwave is a wonderful invention, it doesn't quite attain the level of a miracle"
Um, Angel dear, I think you missed the whole point of the analogy. I believe the microwave was compared to the epidural, as both being wonderful modern inventions. I didn't see any comparison of microwaves to the miracle of the birthing process. (Are you sure you're not pregnant? *grin*)
Also, if you use the curse of sin as the basis for giving birth the natural way, it follows that men should not use modern technology, such as computers, automobiles, forklifts, cranes, bulldozers, backhoes, fertilizers, etc. to lessen the pain of their curse (i.e., till the earth).
Having done one natural birth, which was by no means an easy one, I am still sold on the idea of going natural if that is at all possible. I am certain that if I had had an epidural I would have had a C-section. For some reason I never got the famous "urge to push." I would not have pushed if it hadn't been acutely painful *not* to push. (Other than that, the pain really wasn't that bad.) And I did feel very empowered and alert (though of course tired and sore) afterwards; we went home within twelve hours and never even bothered with the "recovery room."
In my opinion, anything that blocks your ability to sense what your body is doing is going to affect your performance in what is the greatest athletic event of life. I wouldn't say the analogy is to a microwave--I'd say it's to an athlete doping up with painkillers before going out to play. How would he know what he was doing?
If you wanted to prepare for natural childbirth, I'd recommend Bradley. They are very focused on helping you learn to work with your body and give in to the labor process (rather than trying to distract yourself, which I believe Lamaze sometimes uses).
LOL. Well, I don't know if you're interested in another "two cents" or not, but...Everyone is different. I never considered having a natural birth - I knew from the start that I *definitely* wanted pain-killer ;-). In fact, though, I had an induction, since I was a week overdue. I was totally prepared for a long, drawn-out labor, after having heard more than my share of horror stories about women who had labor induced (as well as plenty of unwanted criticism of my decision to follow my doctor's advice and have one). Imagine my shock, then, when I went to the hospital, prepared for an induction, and was told that I was actually in labor already! My doctor told me the contractions were strong enough that I would have ended up going to the hospital that day anyways, but she still went ahead with the induction. To abbreviate a story that's already long enough, I was in labor for 7 hours total (after I got to the hospital), but the epideral made me sleepy, and I slept for the greatest part of that time. My actual "laboring" lasted only half an hour, max, and I pushed only three times before my baby was born.
I don't know if the choice between "natural" and "epidural" is really one of "right" or "wrong." For me, having an epideral was preferable to enduring the excruciating pain that I experienced when I finally began to feel my contractions. I don't know if I could have handled that pain for five hours. One touchy thing about epiderals is that you have to know early on whether you want one, for at some undefinable point, you no longer have the option. Some may consider the numbness you experience afterwards a "con," but looking back, I'm thankful that I didn't have to feel the pain from my episiotomy until almost two days after my baby's birth.
Anyways, enough about personal experiences. For what it's worth, though, I wish that I had heard even *one* encouraging story before my induction. I never anticipated having to experience that - as most people don't; and though my husband and I made the decision together, we didn't have any support from my family. That was really hard, but I firmly believe that the most important factor in any decisions made concerning childbirth is agreement between husband and wife.
- DC
Kevin,
You're right, as usual--don't be too hard on me though; I dropped out of Mr. Somerville's logic class, remember? ;) Of course I concede there is wisdom in using many modern inventions which, among other things, make "the curse" more bearable. I wasn't saying that just because women are cursed with pain in childbirth, we should feel an obligation to endure as much pain as possible in the process. Rather, my only point was that there are arguments to be made in favor of both medicated and natural childbirth but the decision between the two is a little more important than deciding how you cook your dinner. Of course I know you & Amy know this, but I was amused by the microwave comparison and felt the urge to leave a generally useless and random comment. *grin* Btw, we are looking forward to seeing you guys in May!
HEY! Homeschoolers! Take it down a notch on poor Amy Joy.
You go girl! Take thems homescrewlers to task!
Hey, I like homeschoolers!
So do I!
Here's my two cents: I was sold on natural. First, I like control and I wanted to be able to walk in labor, move around, and be able to control functions after labor. However, my wise midwife said to plan for natural but be flexible depending on circumstances. After 4 1/2 hours of PUSHING (9 total labor) I had the epidural because I was too tired to continue and because unlike EVERYTHING I'd read, the only position I could labor in was flat on my back. In my case, it was a necessity. And I pushed for 2 more hours after. However, my midwife said had I gone with an epidural early on, I probably would have had a C-section because I wouldn't have pushed my big little guy far enough down the birth canal. And I do like control. Next time I want to be able to get up and walk after. I intend to do natural again. (I have been told that I did the most painful part-transition--natural anyway.) Anyway, keep up your research. And Kevin, it is gross but after you experience that with your wife, she will look at you with eyes of wonder that you can still love her after all that. And the whole thing is so AMAZING. -rlr
Everyone else got to say something, and I've got two notches on my carseat carrier. So here's my perspective:
Plan on going all-natural, but don't rule out meds. I planned all-natural for my first birth, and did I ever get it: 4 1/2 hours total labor and delivery. I nearly had Addie on the way to the hospital; by the time I got there, there was no time for medication. But that's what I was prepared for (even doing the dumb breathing exercises that Darren MADE me practice, which turned out to be a great distraction during pain).
I expected Stuart to come in about an hour and half... after all, second labor, half the time, right? Because I was on an I.V. by the time real contractions started, I wasn't able to get up and walk around to manage the pain this time, and it dragged: by the time I was at 6 hours, I was only halfway done. I didn't handle things well this time (wasn't prepared), so after some of the lesser medications, I got an epidural. Then I took a two-hour nap. That epidural was the best thing I never felt.
I did end up having a C-section, and I wonder if it had to do with the fact that I was confined to bed most of the time (even before the epidural). Then again, Stuart has a big head and after 12 hours wasn't making any progress. The doctor decided on a section mostly to prevent my losing any more blood. Two years later, you can hardly see the scar, and really I don't regret the way either birth happened.
And an interesting side benefit of that C-section of mine: I went to recovery, so Darren followed the nurses into the nursery. Whether they wanted him there or not, he got to hold Stuart and talk to him for that first hour, which is a very special memory for him.
Think back to all those historical "natural" births and note how many times women either died or had "broken health" after hard births. Modern medicine isn't perfect but it is helpful. Labor is very tiring and taxing, so don't exhaust yourself simply on principle.
-- SJ
This may be overkill. But I actually have experience in this area and can add some insight :) My advice is to keep an open mind. Labor for as long as you can but keep in mind the availability of an epidural. I would opt for the epidural way before any other drugs though. Other drugs felt more like a band-aid for a ruptured artery. They didn't touch the pain and left me feeling drugged and not in control. The difference for me between an epidural and natural was how I felt afterwards. With my natural delivery, I was exhausted and needed sleep to recover. With the epidurals, my body didn't remember the pain and I was up and dressed the same day of delivery! Another little myth is that epidurals lead to more C-sections. I actually have had 1 C but only because he was the second twin in distress. Since that time, I have given birth to five more babies with no complications. I know Earl is more comfortable when I am out of pain with an epidural. Kevin will be able to totally relate to that. It is difficult seeing someone you love in pain and wanting to do something about it. This will be a fantastic experience no matter what your approach. Guess you touched on a hot topic. :)
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