I saw a license plate frame yesterday that read, “It’s easier nailing Jello to a tree than finding a good man.”
While I think this expression smacks of man-bashing (which I really loathe), I also believe there’s a grain of truth to it.
Some days I think Kevin is tired of hearing me talk about all the beautiful, smart, quality, late-twenties, Christian, single girls I know and the seeming lack of good Christian guys who are inclined to marry.
[Honestly, this is my biggest fear in having a daughter – I hope that she will either be happy and fulfilled being single, if God calls her to that, or that she’ll be able to find a good guy to love her and share life with her. If I had a son, I don’t think I would be concerned about this as much. I would have other things to worry about.]
Yesterday Kevin made me list my girlfriends who fall in the above category and I could only think of five (but I know there are more) and he told me that wasn’t that many. Then he went on to list at least five good single guys he knows of. The problem is, the guys he listed don’t seem (to me) to be interested in marriage or dating.
I’m not the type of person who thinks you have to be married to be happy but I happen to know that some of my girlfriends would really like to be married and I feel bad for them that they are having to wait so long.
Ultimately, I guess, we all have to learn to be content in whatever state we are, knowing that God is in control and knows what is best for us. We all have our own issues to deal with.
Now I need to go make some Jello and get some nails. How hard can it be?
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12 comments:
A good friend was lamenting the same thing (the lack of good men) the other day, and then said something I think is profound.
He said that one function of marriage, or at least of the romantic experience (how I loathe the word courtship), is that it matures the boy into a man. I know i have gotten alot more responsible since meeting Amy, and I am sure that Kevin would say the same thing. Men are more interested in what makes them happy, and when they suddenly see a woman who is that perfect someone for them... they suddenly see that they have alot they need to do to move forward with her.
Anyway, that is my two cents. I think it probably is the same with women, but they feel the need sooner or something. Who knows.
LOVED. THIS. POST.
I feel the same as you a good deal of the time, Amy. In town I have a few charming and attractive girlfriends that are very marriageable. And although I know single guys around here -- they don't seem to be DOING anything about it.
But I liked Will's point too. When they DO stumble across "the one" they seem incredibly motivated.
So why aren't we all just content. HAHA. Easier said....
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife." Maybe the guys you know are working on that "good fortune" before they address their "want" of a wife. As far as the women are concerned, being one myself, I am 100% convinced that God's plan for romance and marriage is for the man to make the move. That's scary faith at times but I believe worth the "wait" even though silent contentment at times seems to risk looking like I'm really independent and "don't need a man." I could go on and on about the role of men and women, husbands and wives, the responsibility of parents raising boys to be men and girls to be women after God's own heart but maybe I should blog about that myself instead of hogging up your comments field.
And about that Jello...maybe if you make the really stiff jiggler recipe it will be easier to nail to the tree.
To add some balance to the comment section, I'd like to point out that although being a single guy is awesome, fun, fulfilling, etc., it is definitely not easy to stay that way for a serious length of time.
How many guys in conservative Christian circles do you find that make it to 30 single? There is a tremendous amount of peer pressure to get married. Not to mention pressure of the family kind.
Add the fact that cooking your own food sucks and that girls are really, really, hot (and not necessarily in that order) and holding out doesn't have a lot of takers.
I'll agree that marriage is the best medicine for some, but it's not the only medicine to promote spiritual growth and general maturity. Other doses can have a similar effect. Perhaps marriage's effect on maturity seems more noticable because of the sudden jolt it produces to ones system. I like to think of it as spirituality and maturity steroids. . . can have great short term results, but maybe some more natural growth would be a good thing.
At least for me.
Furthermore, in Christian circles that we seem to have the general belief that people should marry young. By young, I am not necessarily referring to 18. 25 can be young. Particularly as life gets longer our tendency to believe that you are "wasting away" if you aren't married by the time you hit thirty seems particularly immature.
I have my friends who married in their early twenties. For most of them, it has paid off in ways that I can't experience. I have no doubt that they are extremely happy with their decisions (and I have no doubt that it was God's will for their lives). But on the other hand, that does not mean that all of us were called to live life that way.
Some of us were called to be grumpy old men bachelors (and perhaps there are an equal amount of bachelorettes called to stay that way for awhile).
And yes, despite my own cooking and various attractive and highly quality temptations, I like it that way.
Mark, I think the whole world realizes you "like it that way." :)
Just one thing - I think it's easier to be content being a single guy because guys are the ones who "make the move." Girls have to do a lot of waiting.
I'm looking forward to your wedding someday Mark, whey you finally give in.
'Cuz you know you will ... eventually. :)
Mark is a nard. No wonder he's not married.
Where is the rule that says that Christian women have to wait and that they can't "make the first move?" There are plenty of Biblical examples of girls making the move. For example, look at Ruth and Boaz. There's nothing like lying at a guy's feet that says "Hey, look at me."
-Colin
'Tis true there may be no rule, but it would be entirely unromantic to me "make the move" . . . And, after waiting for so long, I BETTER HAVE SOMETHING ROMANTIC! :)
P.S.
I would also like to point out that Ruth wasn't marrying for love.
There is no mystery here, Sherlock.
Very few young men are actively interested in getting married per se; the institution itself is not glamorous or attractive. What leads a man to marriage is love. When a man is truly attracted to a particular woman, he actively pursues her until he gets her. Thus, a man is single until he’s interested IN AN INDIVIDUAL GIRL, and then he ceases to be single. It’s not like there is, or should be, any large group of young men looking to “get married.” That is absurd, and any eighteen to twenty-two year old who spends his time mooning about how he can’t wait to be a husband should be taken out and beaten within an inch of his life, on principle. So, the young men in question who “aren’t interested in marriage or dating” will become interested when they meet a girl that interests them. That’s as it should be.
Now that we have established that the gentlemen in question are not defective, let’s think of ways a girl might scare off guys who MIGHT be interested in her:
1. Firmly believe that God wants “quiet contentment.” If God loved quiet contentment, he would not have picked the Jews to be His chosen people. God likes scrappy people who grab theirs and keep it. He had to break Abraham’s leg to get him off Him. He instructed His children to nag him.
2. Let everyone know that you expect the man to make the first move, but simultaneously let everyone know that this move must meet or exceed your favorite L.M. Montgomery/Jannete Oake/ ideal. Nothing interests a man like knowing it’s up to him to guess your impossible fantasy.
I could go on and on, but I’ve made my point. Love and marriage, love and marriage – they go together like a horse and carriage. Just stay out of the way of love, and marriage will take care of itself.
There are even a few guys who are hopeless romantics and are looking for that special someone. I've heard one can get things for asking, but I've also heard patience is a virtue. Someone once told me that someday a young lady will sweep me off my feet. I believe that, and until it happens, I'll enjoy my friendships with girls and life in general.
To romance! Cheers.
"I used to love her, but I had to kill her..."
--Axl Rose
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