Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Hopin’ for a little Love

The sun was searing hot today as I walked ten blocks to the post office so I could mail my dad a birthday present. As I passed by the convention center, I experienced a bit of deja vu. There were hoards of obvious ATI families eating packed lunches and strolling the streets. I had forgotten: the West Coast ATI conference is taking place this week - and it’s all happening next door to my office building. I thought it would be nice to pop my head in to see if I knew anyone. As I entered, my attire drew many glares. I was wearing, God forbid, PANTS. It’s not as if I planned on walking in. Rather, it was a very spur-of-the-moment sort of thing. Honestly, I wasn’t trying to offend anyone. (That would have been the immature, spiteful Amy of approximately seven years ago. Now, I’m completely confident in my status as a child of God and my ability to wear what I think is pleasing to Him - not what other people think is required.)

All around me, the disdain and holier-than-thou judgmentalism hung thickly in the air. It felt like I could reach out and grab it. I walked up to one of the tables, with two young ladies seated, and watched their eyes widen and their smiles turn into plastic on their faces. I was going to make small talk with them but felt distinctly unwelcomed. Just then, I noticed Elsbeth Rox (name changed to protect her reputation) at the far end of the table. I have many good memories with Elsbeth. She and I both grew up in Southern California and we worked side by side at more than a few Children’s Institutes. I smiled brightly at Elsbeth. She froze, as if she didn’t want to be identified with me. It was awful. I’ve never felt such coldness in all my life. (Well, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration.) Here’s my question: What has happened to ATI? It’s even worse than when I left it six years ago. The Seeds of Disintegration, as they say, have already turned the institution into a cold, callous shell without a soul. The overarching principle of every Christian’s life should be love. Love for God and love toward others. When that’s missing, all you have left is a bunch of rules.

On my way back from the post office, I was thinking about walking into the convention center a second time and talking to Elsbeth about my perspective of what had transpired. After all, if my ATI training serves me well, don’t they encourage people to communicate to eliminate any possible roots of bitterness? ;) That’s when I happened upon Mr. & Mrs. S. Mr. & Mrs. S greeted me warmly and, actually, invited Kev and me for dinner. I was very encouraged to meet up with an ATI family who showed love and friendliness without regard of outward appearances. This, by itself, was enough to carry me back to the office without any more thoughts of Elsbeth Rox.

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