Tuesday, March 01, 2011

An Orange Bookshelf

An Orange Bookshelf sitting in our basement has been a constant reminder of my own failure for about a year now. After I found it sitting next to someone’s trash and brought it home, Kevin, my very proper and dignified husband, said, “Oh no! My wife is a dumpster diver!”

The reason I have felt like such a failure is that I had planned to paint the blasted thing white and convert it into a lovely and utilitarian piece of furniture for the girls’ bedroom and had seriously not found the spare time to do so, for over a year. Keeping up with trying to feed and clothe my family, homeschool Meredith, and nurture and discipline three small souls has been the extent of what I could handle for a long while now. After typing that, it sounds like a lot and I guess I shouldn’t have been so hard on myself. I wish I wasn’t so performance-oriented. It has been hard on me, not to feel like I can ever accomplish extra things. It has been difficult to remind myself that this is just a season.

It was with great triumph that I recently painted the last coat of paint on that bookshelf and there is no longer a pile of children’s books sitting on the floor of Meredith and Clara’s room.

That bookshelf is a symbol to me of a slow but sure transformation in the life of my mommyhood. Things do eventually get better. Things are busy, but not so desperate these days. My brain no longer feels like it is in a constant fog. Meredith has become truly helpful. Clara is no longer at the all-consuming peak of toddlerhood.

My prayer is that I will never forget how hard these past several years have been. Right now I pray for all the women who are currently going through it too. I write these words so that, someday a long time from now when the memory starts to fade, I won’t forget how truly hard it is to have three kids under the age of five!


Yesterday was one of those days when I couldn’t help but feel happy. I really enjoyed my children yesterday. I have found that I enjoy my children the most when I set aside at least two full days a week to NOT go anywhere. I need to intentionally create space in my life and schedule in order to stop and enjoy small, precious moments with my girls.

Meredith is currently reading American Girl magazines and yesterday we took a survey, “How Well Do You Know Your Parent/Child?” One of the questions was, “What is the favorite part of your day?” I can honestly say that, other than seeing Kevin walk through the door, the best part of my day is cuddling on the couch and reading to my kids. If we are too busy to spend at least an hour reading out loud, I hate it. This must be one of the reasons I love homeschooling!

It was one of those days where I gave the girls baths, cuddled with them, played with them, and read out loud to them a lot. It was a very, very good day.

I am a very happy and content woman.


the Joneses said...

Definitely too hard on yourself! Years from now, when someone admires the bookshelf, you can say, "I found that on the side of the road, and repainted it for the girls' room." See? Timeframe doesn't matter.

-- SJ

Heather L. said...

i agree that reading aloud is the best activity. I too can't believe how grown up Meredith and Clara are these days!

Megan said...

It's so hard to remember that it's just a season when you're in the midst of it. I have a good friend that tells me that almost every time we talk! I'm a little thick-headed :)

Woman with the Yellow Hat said...

EXCELLENT post! Right now I'm writing someone about CC--exactly like you did for me (who is loveing CC and who is going to be a tutor next year!) last fall! Thank you!