I got up early today, which is rare for me lately. I’ve needed all the sleep I can get at this point in pregnancy. Kevin left the house at 6:00 a.m. to go work for the morning. If he has to work on Saturday, he tries to leave early so he can spend as much time with the kids as possible after they wake up. He amazes me. The other day he went into work at 4:30 a.m. He’s been averaging 5-6 hours of sleep at night, plus yesterday he got up early to scrape a bunch of ice off of our long driveway. I can only imagine how exhausting that job is. The man is like the energizer battery. He keeps going.
So here I am. Awake. With more than 10 minutes to myself. The house is quiet. This is a very rare moment in my life right now.
Lately, I’ve been getting all sorts of feedback from people who have recently had a third child. It seems like it’s about 60/40. 60 percent feel it was much more difficult adding a third child than a second and their world spun out of control for many months. 40 percent think the second was a bigger adjustment and adding a third was not as big of a deal. The most encouraging thing I’ve heard is from my obstetrician, “Three is great! The older two play with each other and you have lots of time to enjoy the baby.” My kids do play really well together. But they also fight really well together, too. So … the verdict is still out.
When we added a second child to our family, I thought it was much easier taking care of a newborn and a toddler than being pregnant with a toddler. I love having children but I hate being pregnant with every fiber in my being. I feel very debilitated and unhealthy when I’m pregnant. At this point, I’m hopeful of anything coming my way after pregnancy because it means that, whatever it is, I won’t have to be carrying all this weight around, I’ll be able to breathe again, I won’t have to use 17 pillows to be able to fall asleep, and I won’t be a human punching bag anymore.
It’s easy for me to feel like a total loser because many days/weeks/months in this motherhood adventure, I feel like I accomplish absolutely nothing except the basics of survival. My family is fed and clothed and I do basics of preschool with my kids and that’s about it. I read for 10 minutes in bed before I fall asleep exhausted. It’s easy to get depressed when I feel like I have no time to pursue anything “extra” for my family or myself.
The thing that keeps me going is that I know my kids are my biggest and most worthwhile investments at this point. I look at them and I see that they are healthy and really happy. I feel close to my children and I know that they love me. I know a lot of people would love to have that and don’t. I’m a very lucky woman.
Maybe in a few years (sometimes it feels like maybe ten years) I’ll have time to pursue things like salsa dancing and stamp collecting (just kidding about stamp collecting—that sounds soooo boring, no offense). But right now it’s all about the basics of life. And I’m trying to be content.