I’m trying to get up earlier to get a better handle on my life. And the biggest reason is so that I can get some personal time and space for myself … time to think and plan and maybe some time to write again. Until about a month ago I didn’t think that getting up earlier was possible because I was constantly tired and needed every extra second of sleep.
But things have slowly started getting a little easier. Meredith can now get her own shoes on and buckle herself into her car seat. She has also learned how to unbuckle Clara and her own self when it’s time to get out of the car. So, going places is slightly easier now, and doesn’t feel like I’m taking along the entire circus when we run errands.
Everything came to a head around the time Sophia was born. All of my realms of responsibility seemed to be at their most challenging level. It’s taken a while to recover. Parenting small children is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
We had really gross frozen pizza for dinner a few weeks ago and I had a melt down with Kevin. That pizza was the only thing I had time to get ready for dinner that particular, hectic day. At that moment, I had tunnel vision and foresaw a future of a lot of frozen pizzas because of how busy I am. I told Kevin, “I don’t want to eat like this!! I HATE this!!!” But I felt trapped in all of my responsibility. Reality is a really hard thing for foodie like me to handle sometimes.